7 Reasons you'd rather eat your own toenails than go on a guided walk!
1. Walking tours are for grumpy old farts aren’t they? I mean they aren’t exactly rock n roll eh?
It’s true lots of older people who love their history enjoy a walking tour but what I can tell you is that in the time I have been walking round the city I have seen lots of groups of very young walkers and my very first tour had two attendees in their 20s! So that is not factually correct and as for grumpy old farts well it’s not nice to talk about your tour guide like that, didn’t your mother teach you any manners!!!
2. London is so noisy, frantic and the people are rude bastards!
It’s true London can be frantic, but I mean if you are gonna head to Oxford street Saturday lunchtime or Covent Garden Sunday afternoon then you got to expect a full on assault of the senses but walkers have gasped in surprise as we wander through quiet Georgian squares just a couple of streets away from those big well known areas. As for the locals, London is full of people happy to help with enquiries. I’ve been in a tube once where a lady in a distressed state asked for help. Four people were helping her and even two young school boys provided a pen and paper to write stuff down, finally someone offered to take her to where she needed to be! It’s a falsehood that people are rude here. Rudeness is everywhere if you look hard enough but this city is full of kind people.
3. I hate history, it bores the pants off me!
I understand. I used to be the same….wondering around looking at buildings and talking about the Kings and Queens of England can be so dull for some people. But my tour is a collection of stories and fascinating facts and most people love a good story, its why Hollywood is so successful.. Ever given it any thought where our language comes from? Why we use the words we do? How the English got into drinking so much tea? You can’t believe it was a Portuguese Princess who bought this to the island in the 1660s can you? It’s true. Why do we say after a good night out that we have a hang over? I am going to leave the answer to the tour for that one!
4. Do I have to spend time with a bunch of strangers?
Listen I’m not gonna do some corporate bollocks speech about we all start out as strangers and within an hour we are friends. It’s true you will start the tour with a bunch of strangers and of course you can choose to talk to others or just listen to the guide and take photos. It’s your choice. But what I have seen a few times is that people swop numbers at the end of the tour they've got on so well. I’ve even heard about someone who met his girlfriend on a walking tour! A lot more natural than meeting on an APP! But its really up to you how you want to play it and if you really don’t want to walk with others then please take advantage of my private tours where I will take just you or you and a friend/family member on your own. I can even tailor a tour to your requirements.
5. I am not confidant on the underground and am unsure about how to get to the starting point!
Your Guide is a London Aficionado. I will help by giving detailed instructions on how to get to the start point, if necessary and for a small fee I will even come and get you from your train station in London and escort you by bus or underground to and from the start point! Hopefully that has reassured you?
6. I would come on one of your tours but it’s for women only isn’t it?
We are talking about women and the contribution they made to London. Men have already attended my tours and have told me they really enjoyed their time. One word of warning, if you are a man who is a chauvinist who believes women should be chained to the sink this isn’t going to be for you. But if you rejoice in women then you will be delighted by what you learn and enthusiastically welcomed too!
7. Walking tours are for tourists and I have lived in London for many years so this probably won’t have anything for me will it?
Wrong! I am talking to you about history or I should say herstory that you have most probably never heard before. I am also taking you down mews roads and through alleyways that you probably never knew existed. Statues which you might walk past daily but have no idea about. One of my walkers announced on the last tour that she had "lived in London all her life and she didn’t know most of what I told her" that was a very exciting moment for me because it meant that I am providing something that people are enjoying and is not the staid old stories they have all heard before.
SO what are you waiting for?
Book on a Flockless But Free London Herstory Tour NOW!